In like a lion, out like a lamb

February sweeps gives way to a brief lull in the lineup

By Matt Lynch

February sweeps - a time of the year when TV networks show their best stuff to get the best ratings so that they can charge higher ad rates - is over. The last of the strike-delayed programs has aired. New episodes of shows hit by the strike won't hit screens for another few weeks. There is absolutely nothing on. This usually happens around this time of year, but it's especially frustrating because it means I don't have much to write about. So I offer you the first possibly-annual Vancouver Voice Spring TV Grab Bag column.

1. John Adams

HBO and Tom Hanks team up for the third time (after From the Earth to the Moon and Band of Brothers) to bring us the seven-part adaptation of David McCullough's Pulitzer Prize-winning biography. Paul Giamatti plays the eponymous second U.S. president. The esteemed Laura Linney is his wife, Abigail. A slew of famous British actors portray other famous historical figures (hey, there's Tom Wilkinson as Benjamin Franklin!). The portentous tagline says "He united the States of America". Sounds pretty great. What's that? It's an interminable snooze? A bunch of stuffy dudes in wigs nobly forming our more perfect union (all the while using the word "sir" at least three times per sentence) does not have the makings of great drama. John Adams is, to say the least, very dry. And when it's not being dull, it's being patently ridiculous. I don't care how historically accurate the show claims to be, I just have a very hard time watching this many stuffed shirts being so damned perfect and wise and noble all the time. Not one of these founding fathers is shown to be anything but the legend we're presented with in history books. A messy situation (the birth of our political system) that was the source of as much tragedy as triumph should be portrayed with a bit more complexity. But it all comes crashing down at the end of episode two, wherein Adams' smallpox-stricken daughter is miraculously healed due to a reading of the freshly minted Declaration of Independence. Gag.

2. Twelve Miles of Bad Road

Speaking of HBO, they've recently announced that one of their new shows, 12 Miles of Bad Road, won't be airing at all. They've been advertising it for about a year now. Supposedly, it's a comedy centered around a wealthy Texas real estate family, headed up by Lily Tomlin. It's produced by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, who some of you might remember being behind Designing Women. I hear that the network says the show is "too funny" for HBO. I'm not sure what that means. Anywho, the producers have decided to send the first six completed episodes to critics in order to maybe drum up some support for their work. Unfortunately, this esteemed critic doesn't rate highly enough to get on that list. So if any of you kind folks out there know where I can get a hold of this show, this is me begging you.

3. An apology

A few months ago I wrote in this very column that FOX's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was a super-entertaining piece of action TV, perfectly suited to fans of the franchise or action-oriented shows like 24. Well, I was wrong. First of all, the pilot I watched last fall was not what aired in January. It had since been heavily shot and re-edited, removing characters and extending certain plotlines. A lot of the more overtly violent scenes had been omitted, and the characters had been toned down to more conventional audience-friendly ciphers. As the series progressed, the action took a back seat to high school drama and standard cop show tropes (like the FBI agent chasing our heroes maybe discovering that they're not so bad after all). Pretty much everything cool that happened on the show was mitigated by something embarrassing, like a plotline taking us into the future to see the war against the machines being supplanted by a storyline about a suicidal teenager at John Connor's school. So, I'm sorry I told you to watch the show. We can't be right all the time, I guess.

4. The Way Back Machine

What do TV critics do when nothing good is on? In this digital age, we go back and watch old series on DVD. Me, I've been really loving Oz. Now, I know that prison is surely a horrible place, but there's no way it's as horrible as this show would have you believe. If I go into detail about the sorts of events that are commonplace on Oz, it would spoil a great deal of the fun, but suffice it to say that this show might be the funniest thing ever on television, whether it means to be or not. The DVDs are readily available, and I urge you to check them out if you missed this show the first time around.

5. The end

This is the end of the article. Remember to watch 30 Rock when it comes back on April 3, and Lost when it returns on April 24. Best season ever.