Family’s tough sometimes, am I right? Am I right, people? You know, the kids are growing up fast; Mom and Dad are getting on in years; your sister’s kind of a screw up. Last Thanksgiving was kind of a mess when your niece got busted for smoking weed on the school football field. Sounds a lot like a crummy network dramedy.

You probably think I’m not-so-slyly referring to ABC’s Modern Family, but I’m not. I have problems with that show, but it’s essentially fine. I’m actually speaking of NBC’s new hour-long Parenthood, ostensibly based on the now 20-year-old Ron Howard movie. It is, in a nutshell, a regurgitated morass of family tv tropes, lifted from every single family drama since the original film was released: Brothers & Sisters, Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill, Six Feet Under, and so on.

Lauren Graham, who played Lorelei Gilmore on Gilmore Girls, also plays Lorelei Gilmore here but with a different name strangely. She also has a feisty, troubled teenage daughter, and when money gets tight, she’s forced to turn to her parents for help. Sound familiar? This is the exact setup for Gilmore, minus a few details. Moving in with the ‘Rents (Craig T. Nelson and Bonnie Bedelia) predictably puts some strain on the family dynamic, but that’s nothing compared to Dad’s troubled relationship with Graham’s brother Peter Krause (hey, from Six Feet Under). That’s put under even further strain when Krause’s kid is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. That would be enough, but their other brother (Dax Shepard) just found out he has an illegitimate child! Furthermore (not enough yet), their younger sister is a high-powered lawyer who doesn’t spend enough time with her kids. Like I said, family’s tough.

In and of itself, this collection of rehashed plots and content, most suitably described as “edgy, but with heart,” isn’t as offensive as I might have you believe. But it is lazy. The only reason to keep cranking out programming like this is to update the crises. So instead of the teenage daughter getting pregnant, it’s the young boy with Asperger’s. Instead of the dad who doesn’t kick in enough time with his son, it’s the young mother and her daughter. Instead of freaking out when the eldest daughter gets arrested for smoking dope, the whole family smokes a joint at the end of episode two, just in time for the scene where we realize that they all really do love each other. Because it’s 2010, people! Times have changed, you know?

Regular readers know all too well how much I love to harp on the lack of originality on television, but honestly, you have to see what I’m talking about by now. I could tell you that despite being a ripoff of many other equally bland shows, it’s still well acted and displays some genuine emotion in spots and looks great. It’s fine. But is that what you want to settle for? “Fine?” Mark my word, if you do not watch Parenthood, it will get cancelled, and nobody will miss it, least of all you. And if you stop watching the same boring medical dramas and detective procedurals, they will go away, too. Because when you settle for “Fine” or “Okay,” the network realizes that it doesn’t need to care about the stuff it throws at you because you’ll obviously eat whatever’s on your plate. All right, that’s enough ranting. But I beg you not to watch Parenthood.

Oh, one more thing. I do not mean to ignore the incredibly strain Asperger’s and other conditions can put on a family, nor the courage and dedication it takes to raise a child so afflicted. But this sort of thing is a cliche (made even more so by its timeliness). And please, for the love of God, Parenthood, avoid having the characters say the word “Asperger” so much. Because it sounds like they keep saying “Ass-Burgers” and that makes what little drama the storyline has accumulated vaporize with my laughter.

Matt Lynch is The Voice’s one and only television critic.