The Battlestar Galactica machine just keeps churning out content. Earlier this year saw the DVD release of Caprica, an unnecessary and lackluster prequel series pilot that now apparently won’t air until 2010. Now there’s The Plan, another prequel (sort of) that will also air next year. And because I’m apparently a masochist on a diet, I’ve watched it and I’m here to tell you all about it.

Fans and detractors alike will remember that Battlestar Galactica opened each episode by telling us that the evil robot Cylons who nearly wiped out humanity had “a plan.” During the increasingly convoluted and (by the producers’ own admission) made-up-as-they-went run of the series, we were given numerous hints about what that plan might be, but eventually the storyline was either abandoned or ignored, and we never really found out what that plan was. This new film, directed Edward James Olmos (who, of course, plays fearless leader Adama), is made up of clips from the series’ first two seasons mixed in with new footage, and it purports to show us The Plan from the Cylon point of view.

Really, though, all it does is reinforce the slipshod, mopey aimlessness of the series. The only question it actually answers is, “Why didn’t we find out what the Plan was?” The answer is, drum roll, because there wasn’t really a plan after all. Like the writing staff itself, the Cylons were also making it up as they went along. The Plan spends an inordinate amount of time with Dean Stockwell’s Cylon character, Cavill (two of them, actually, since of course “there are many copies”). One Cavill is hiding out with the remnants of humanity and the galactic fleet, conducting sabotage missions with his fellow robots-in-disguise in a last ditch effort to kill off the remaining humans. Another is sneaking around in the woods on Caprica with the Sam Anders character.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but The Plan is insanely dull. While it aspires to teach us something about the Cylon perspective on humanity and the emotional links between the two races, most of what it actually accomplishes is meaningless. Instead of explaining what motivates the murder of the entire human race, we get to see how that guy in that one episode got hold of a bomb. Or what happened to Boomer right before the scene where she revealed that she was a Cylon. Who cares? This is what nerds call “retconning,” meaning “retroactive continuity,” in which established plot elements are expanded upon in order to explain discrepancies or add new perspectives to familiar events. All well and good, but ultimately meaningless when you realize that none of these events were mapped out ahead of time. It’s just fan service for the diehards. Also, the special effects are crummy. So there, take that, Battlestar Galactica.

And I guess that’s fine. But, if you’re like me, still bitter over the self-destruction of one of the most promising sci-fi stories in decades, you’ll find nothing but more disappointment here.

But hey, I know it seems like I’m a negative guy, so I want to talk about something good before I go. It’s the miraculous premiere of the fourth season of Friday Night Lights, probably the best show on television right now. Not even dismal ratings could kill this show, so acclaimed it is, and so NBC cut a deal for two more seasons of the show that will first air on DirecTV’s Channel 101. If you have DirecTV and are not watching this show, shame on you. It’s beautiful and heartwarming and honest, and it’s perfect for families. The main relationship between high school football coach Eric Taylor and his wife is one of the most amazing depictions of marriage ever put on television. The show about football that’s not about football, it’s also the best show nobody is watching. NBC will re-air these new episodes in the summer. Watch them one way or another.

Matt Lynch is the TV critic for The Voice.